When I was decluttering today, I read through my old diaries and realized that on the first day of school at the age of 7, I was already writing sentences with cursive handwriting.

And then, as I read on, I started to read accounts of the painful memories caused by my father. The hurtful things he did, how he was physically and verbally abusive towards me, my sister and my mom.

When my dad passed away, I had to clear out his belongings and letters and came across the divorce letters between my mom and himself. Reading through all the accounts of why we wanted to leave brought back the memories and at the same time, threw me into a deep pool of gratefulness for the restoration in my life and how God has made me an entirely new person and given me a new heart. These memories had been so far removed from me because of the Joy and peace that now daily fills me, that somehow going through them made me feel like I was reading about the life of another person – a child and teen that was once so broken, angry and lost.

So much of what was written as well by my dad in his defense notes were that he brought us up as good Christians because he made sure that we went to church every Sunday. His weekly newsletters to the church were so intellectually written about Christ and Salvation as he preached about love and patience but in reality, there was a monster in his Closet that would burst out in anger and rejection, bullying and raising resentful children that pretty much “hated” their own father.

It was not till I encountered the love of God, my heavenly father that I could forgive my dad and see things beyond the natural. Today I now understand that he probably needed deliverance, healing and most importantly despite going to bible college and being an ordained “pastor”, he needed to be born again.

My heart weeps at the reality that I had personally grew up in as I was explaining to my own daughter that going to church and knowing what’s in the bible and saying that you are a Christian really does not mean that you are born again if your life does not change. The truth is that when you are born again, you CANNOT go on living the way you did. When you truly repent from your sins, turn to God and die to yourself through dying with Jesus through immersion into Christ through baptism, you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit and there is evidence of that. The Holy Spirit is a river of living water flowing out of you, giving you a new language – giving you a new heart.

In the book of Acts, everyone who believed in Jesus and the gospel that was preached by the disciples were immediately baptized in water and then whoever also received the Holy Spirit spoke in tongues and that was how they knew the Holy Spirit had come on them.

In the book of Mark, 16, it says that there were signs that followed those that believed… they went around preaching the gospel, baptizing them in Jesus’s name, casting out demons and healing the sick and they also spoke in new tongues.

My Dad was a Pastor and read the bible from beginning to the end and constantly picked fights with others about how much better he knew the bible. Yet, he believed that speaking in tongues was from the devil, that Jesus did not heal anymore and that no one could heal the sick.

Today I see and know believers who believe and have these signs follow them and know that what the bible says is true. Reading the accounts of my dad’s life reminds me of the reality that so many perhaps like myself and my dad – grew up in the Religion of Christianity and yet have not yet truly experienced the New Life, are not yet born again, have not yet repented of their sins even perhaps, have not experienced the new life of dying to yourself and rising with Jesus through Baptism, and have not yet received the Holy Spirit – which is the Spirit of truth and God himself.

How many continue to live in bondage to depression, anger, rejection and continue to try to be good Christians, keep going to church on Sundays, try to pray and stop sinning and yet still feel powerless over their sins and circumstances as the enemy continues to reign darkness over their lives?

I’m 36 this year and after so many years of keeping my journals from before I was born again, I decided to throw them away today, save for my first diary at the age of 7. The old has passed and the new has come. However these diary entries I read today remind me of how much has been stolen and destroyed in my family through a religious and angry spirit that was inside of my dad. The lie that this is what God is about. This is what being a Christian is all about – just going to church on Sunday, giving thanks before you eat, reading your bible and praying everyday. While these are all good things, without repenting and dying to ourselves daily and being filled and following the leading of the Holy spirit – it is simply Religion and Dead works.

The Religious spirit condemns you when you have not done these things, and yet does not really remind you to do the actual things Jesus told his disciples to do – preach the gospel, cast out demons, heal the sick, proclaim the kingdom of God has come near you.

All this time that Ive now seen these things happen, I wonder how it was that my dad and so many could have read the bible over and over again, writing articles and expositions and commentaries on the books of the bible and yet not actually truly believe it or live it?

In 1 Corinthians 4:20 Paul was writing to the Corinthian church and said “For the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk, but of power” and he could say this because there were people that were just talking and talking but had no power. Paul was an apostle that had all the signs of one that believed. He casted out demons, healed the sick and even raised the dead.

How can so much of the Church body say that these things are not for today anymore, because they themselves have not received the Holy Spirit. They do not speak in tongues, heal the sick and cast out demons. These signs will follow those that believe…what gospel is being preached and who are they believing in?

In Acts 19, Paul was at Ephesus and found some disciples who were baptized by John for repentance but not into death with Jesus, and he asked them if they had received the Holy Spirit when they believed. No, they had not yet heard of the Holy Spirit and so when he heard that, he baptized them into Jesus Christ and then placed his hands on them and the Holy Spirit CAME ON THEM and they SPOKE IN TONGUES.

In Acts 2:38, Peter told the crowd when they asked what they should do and he said to them, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.”

I now know this verse that I never saw before and often share this with the women who pour out their hearts to me and wonder why people who say they are Christian can be so angry and hurtful and not full of love, and this verse says it all…My friends not everyone who goes to church, is a pastor, or says they are a Christian is Born again or Born of God – by their fruits you will know a tree. No good tree bears bad fruit and No bad tree bears good fruit. (Matthew 7:15;20)

The Fruits of the Holy Spirit can only be evident if the Holy Spirit himself is dwelling inside of the person who is born again. Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit will come and make home in you and dwell within you and give you a new life! ( John 14:23)

“No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning, because they have been born of God.”
– (1 John 3:9)

I was sharing with Aletheia that I was going to throw all the journals that I have kept so far away, and yet I was tearing as I was recalling the goodness of God and how much he has changed my life. Aletheia wondered if I was sad but truly, I was stirred inside my heart. I told her that whatever has happened to me in my life gives me a heart and compassion for those who have been through the same thing as me. Any trauma and abuse and mess you have been through in your life before Jesus came to set you and save you, filling you with the Holy Spirit – becomes the depth and well of your heart and compassion for others for when you tell them you understand what they have been through, you truly do.

And it is from this heart posture that I share any of this. With a heart’s cry that ALL might truly be born again and be filled with the Holy Spirit. That ALL might encounter GOD and be set free from their past, their addictions, their childhood trauma and pain. It is not about converting to Christianity, going to church, being good enough, doing the right things, and trying to stop doing the things you don’t want to do and yet can’t help doing. In and of ourselves we CANNOT set ourselves free unless we repent, acknowledge that God is Holy and we are not and we have sinned and allow our old lives to DIE with Christ – being buried with him through Baptism – then can we have a NEW life as we RISE from the dead with him! ( Romans 6:4)

THEN, having our sins washed away by the blood of Jesus, the Holy Spirit can now dwell in us and live in us and it is through the Holy Spirit that we can be given a new life if we daily follow and be led by him. Rivers of Living waters will flow out from within us and change our lives! ( John 7:38)

In Paul’s letter to the Romans in Romans 8, he tells them that it is the new LAW of the SPIRIT that sets us free from the LAW of SIN and DEATH. It is by living by the Holy Spirit that we have life and peace. “For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God” – Romans 8:14

When you receive the Holy spirit, you will receive power from God ( Acts 1:8) to heal the sick, cast out demons, and you will dream dreams and get visions and prophesy ( Acts 2:17) ! This is not of yourself but it is all because it the Holy Spirit of God within you that is healing the sick, and casting out demons in the name of Jesus. Did you know that before Jesus was taken up to Heaven, he gave instructions to his disciples through the Holy spirit??? ( Acts 1:2)

Did you know that the Holy Spirit is the gift that Jesus came to die to give you? And is the promised gift that God promised to Abraham?

“Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: “Cursed is everyone who is hung on a pole.” He redeemed us in order that the blessing given to Abraham might come to the Gentiles through Christ Jesus, so that by faith we might receive the promise of the Spirit.” – Galatians 3:14

ARE YOU BORN AGAIN, OF WATER AND SPIRIT? ( John 3:3)
Have you entered the kingdom of God?
Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit. You should not be surprised at my saying, ‘You must be born again.’ The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.” – John 3

WHAT IS THE KINGDOM OF GOD,
HOW DO I KNOW I HAVE ENTERED ?
It is when you have entered the righteousness, peace and joy in the holy spirit. – Romans 14:17 NIV “For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit”

If this speaks to you and you are saying YES I want to be born again and need to be baptized into Jesus Christ and be filled with the Holy Spirit but don’t know where to go and who to talk to, it will be my joy to share this good news with you – that You can have a new life and be set free from your old one and live in the Kingdom of God having a peace and joy that surpasses all understanding through the Holy Spirit 🙂 LOVE YOU.