When I first encountered God in 2010, I was SO hungry for God and wanted so much to please and serve Him and do “ministry” but for 10 whole years all He wanted me to do was to sit at His feet and to learn to receive and be His daughter before anything else.

He kept reminding me through many love encounters that I did not have to “earn” His love and the song He met me with was “nothing that you do, could make Him love you more, and nothing that you’ve done, could make Him close the door – because of His Great Love, He gave His Only Son, Everything was done… so you would come, come to the Father”.

So many times whenever I had prayed, he showed me that He wanted to Pour out so much more of what He had in store for me but I need to become a Pail and that at that moment ( in 2010 to 2012), i was a paper bag and would completely break because I had not yet been whole and healed.

I now understand that often times, our biggest strengths with God can be our biggest weakness coupled with lies from the enemy.

Pour gasoline of those lies onto my love and heart for people and I become a bonfire of condemnation…

“What if they think you are proud, what if they think you think you are better than them? What if they unfollow you? What if they think that you don’t care about them because you didn’t call them? What if they feel hurt because you didn’t invite them? “

The list goes on and on and on. I used to have these “voices” loop in my head over and over again every so often for most of my life and it took many years even after I had become a believer for me to really break free from this stronghold.

God knew that for me to be free, I had to literally die to the fear of men and this for me was deleting almost my entire Instagram account and going offline for 2 whole months.

For someone who had so “fed” on communication with people my entire life, dropping off social media in the middle of covid lockdown was really dropping off the face of the earth.

BUT it was then that His voice became the only one that I had fed on, sought and heard so clearly and it was HIS presence that filled me and satisfied me and it was in THAT fullness of HIM that I was completely set free.

That season, I died to the fear of criticism but more importantly, also to the praises of men.

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” – Galatians 1:10

And it is in this season of “deadness” to the voices that would have once discouraged or encouraged me, that He chose to work in me and through me. 11 years later….

Even though I have been sharing both publicly and privately about God and Hadasity individually this past year, today was the first time that I was given the mic to share about both topics with the emphasis on creativity, just like in a vision God had spoken to me with in 2012 where I saw myself, wearing all white.

It is so so crazy to think that 11 years ago when I did not even wear white at all, God saw this day and was preparing me for it – to daily enter into his rest and presence, feed On HIM and to remain IN HIM because apart from HIM, I can do nothing.

“Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. 5I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” – John 15:4-5